Enya - Watermark

Trust

Trust what does trust mean to you? Does it purely mean honesty? or is it always knowing someone who you care about will be there for you? How do you know if someone is trustworthy? I have heard of couples that have been together for 40 years and then after all that time they got a divorce. Wouldn't you think that after 40 years with another person you would really know and trust that person? Apparently not. Trust is something that is used so lightly, and so easily misunderstood. People so badly want to be trusted, they want to be trusted by their parents, their loved one, their boyfriend, girlfriend, husband, wife. We all want trust but do we really honestly understand what trust is? I believe that trust is being able to count on someone to be there to always tell you the truth (bad or good truth) Someone who will hold you while you cry your eyes out, someone who won't just stand by and watch you be beaten up by everyone around you. (Verbal and physical) A trustworthy person is someone who doesn't pretend that there is no problem when really they know there is, someone who will stand up for you. That is a trustworthy person. But what if they don't do this? does this mean that all trust is lost and unable to recover from? How do you know that the person who broke your trust won't do it again? are you willing to take the chance? It really is a shot in the dark, because no matter how many times the person swearers to always tell you the truth they are sinful and flawed and will always let you down no matter what. But by giving everyone your trust wrong? or the way to get over heart break? By just believing that next time it will be totally different. Or is that the way to have your soul crushed?
~Sarah

Bright Star by John Keats

Bright Star by John Keats

I am conflicted

Tonight I was watching "Bright Star" and it's about John Keats the famous poet and his love story. (SUCH A GOOD MOVIE!) And he left with his friend Mr. Brown and then his friend returned and told Fanny the woman who he was...idk...he had a fling for he planned on marrying her so I suppose they were...IDK! they were a thing. Anyway Mr. Brown told her that Mr. Keats planned on moving to London and living there, and didn't plan on coming back. But Mr. Keats came back to gather his stuff and Fanny didn't show any sign of anger, or resentment. But he LEFT!! and he didn't plan on coming back, wouldn't u be sorta upset with that?!? well she wasn't and that alone infatuated him, she entranced him, with her calm demure. She never yelled at him, and never felt cold hearted toward him. And that made him care for her even more than he had before he left. Does this mean that I am truly in the wrong for being angry at the guy I used to like? Should I be calm and forget what happened and pretend that nothing happened? and just be glad that he is around? I JUST DON'T KNOW! Maybe I should just....be calm, not be upset anymore. But I can't help it!! Just everything that happened it just seems to bad to be forgettable. If I let it go would I be turning against everything I fought for? would I be weak? and foolish for just not caring anymore. Should I be like Fanny? and just be content in the moment, be happy that he is even around? idk.
~Sarah

forgivness

Forgivness is something I cherish, because withought forgivness we will only dwell on the things we have done, and have left to fester on. The Lord forgives us for everthing and anything we do, he knows who will eventually come crawling back to his love and mercy, and who will continue to sit in their pride, and sinful ways of living. And I think God weeps for thoes people's soul's, because he loves them like we can't even imagen, a love so tender, so kind, so sweet and people throw it in God's face. And yet he still loves them the same way, people want forgivness from their brothers, sisters, mothers, fathers, husbands, wives, boyfriends, girlfriends, but thoes who strey from God don't want his forgivness, sometimes even Christians forget that we need God's forgivness. More then the person we harmed? I don't know, my guess is yes. He is the Lord and the creator, so I would asume his forgivness is more valubal then man's forgivness. Not saying that if you ask God for forgivness it makes your wrong doings right, because it isn't like that. But we forget that apoligizing to the one we hurt and not apoligizeing to God, is also wrong. Because he is sad when we don't repent of our sins. Christain thought of the day.

My Walk

Last night I was sitting at the end of my bed wondering where my heart has been these past few weeks. Have I been in trusting my troubles with God? or have I been trying to control everything? I realized that I have been trying to make things better without the help of God, I was trying to heal myself all alone. So last night as I looked up some verses that might help me, I realized that first I needed to pray. So I closed my eyes and openly confessed to have strayed from him. These past couple months I haven't been focusing on him, or his word. The things I was doing was to glorigy myself, to please myself. I wasn't doing it for the glory of God I was doing it for the glory of Sarah. I was thinking of myself and myself alone. So I prayed for the first time in months I really prayed. I mean I have been praying every night but I wasn't trully praying, it was more like I was talking the cealing. I did the rutean the paryer but I didn't really mean what I said. In a way I suppose I forgot that God really does listen to our prayers. So I was reminded because in an instent I could feel him, I could tell something different was happening to my heart, and I knew he was listing to me. That is the greatest feeling in the world, to know your prayers are being listend to. I think people spend their whole life looking for someone to do that when all they need to do is pray. I am giving my troubls over to him, and I am trusting that he will allow what is best for me in my life. And that whatever happens he is takeing care of me :)